My Identity Crisis
God is so Amazing!
First, I have to say that I serve an awesome God! The way He works in and through everything is so amazing. That very fact, is a strong thread in what God has been teaching me over the last few months, about my identity.
I have been a Christian for many years now, and am still so amazed when a rather common, typical even, theme jumps out at me as if I have never heard it before.
The theme that has been running through my life lately is “My Identity in Christ”
To start, I want to share with you something I scratched out in one of my journals back in Aug.
Who Am I?
If I don’t have to try to be who I always thought I was supposed to be. If it’s not about what I can do or what I’ve done, not about my strength or abilities. What is my identity?
If my “job” is just to rest in the presence of my God, my King, knowing that I am justified, and an adopted child of the Creator. To just rest in His presence and be myself.
Wait, I don’t know who myself is anymore!
I was so wrapped up in all these other things, and now I am understanding that my identity is in Christ. What does that mean? What does that look like?
I know that I am a child of God, I have known this for as long as I can remember. But, I am still striving to do things in my own strength. I see that I need to let that go, I am trying, I pray about and God has given me some great victories. Still my identity seems vague.
Now I am Left to wonder…. Who am I?
“At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.” John 14:20
What did God Create me to be?
Maybe that is the point, the questions I should have been asking all along. I never stopped to ask my Creator what He wanted me to be, I was too busy, trying to make myself into what I thought I should be, what I thought was good and right. If my identity is in Him, then surely He will show me.
I am positive that there are reasons that the person I thought I “should be” has certain characteristics, God gave me these.This maybe is a good place to start.
This world and the enemy push me to take it too far, so that I never feel like I’ve “arrived”. Causing a crisis in my identity. Telling me that I am unable, unfit to accomplish, to become what I was created to be.
God has left an imprint of who He created me to be
I need to find a balance, where I am open with God, and am following His will, His guidance, the path He has laid before me. Walking with Jesus and working with the Holy Spirit in sanctification. And keeping outside influences out. Sounds so easy!
In reality; it is so hard! Yet, through writing this I have come up with some action items that I think will help.
- Before making any commitment make sure that it is God’s will and timing.
- Before putting expectation on who I should be check with the Holy Spirit, is it from sanctification or an enemy attack.
- Be on guard – know that the enemy is close and he doesn’t want me in God’s will.
- God loves me! remember that always! He is my Father!
That is what I wrote almost 3 months ago, now the crazy part is that I can’t even count how many big and little things have spoken to me about this very thing sense then.
Through my Pastor, a few times, or The Daily Bread, a couple of Bible Study that were not specifically about this, and yet touched on it so simply and perfectly. And then there was a Bible study that I had an opportunity to be on the launch team for. The study is by Sarah Koontz and it is on Ephesians, which as of lately has been one of my favorite books. Although, I have been mostly focused on chapter 6 and the Armor of God. I probably would have missed this big theme that runs through the entire book of Ephesians if it wasn’t for this study. My Identity is in Christ.
That I am:
Loved! Chosen! Beloved! Worthy!
I am a precious child of the Creator of this massive universe. God loves and accepts me for who am right this very minute, and He is doing a good work in me.
This Ephesians Bible Study is So Great! It is called “Worthy of the Calling” It is Free, comes to your email, only takes about 15 minutes per day and has some great free gifts along the way. The study is jam packed with poignant insights. In only 15 min 5 days a week Sarah really pulls a lot of truth out of this scripture. What do you have to lose? You can register to join HERE!
Another Journal Entry
In keeping with sharing what I muse on in my journal, I also want to share another entry that I wrote during the Worthy of the Calling study.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
It is a sad thing that sin and its effect on us make us feel unworthy, useless, and a host of other negative words.
We humans, even as children of God, we feel uncomfortable being called God’s good creation.
Because of the effects of sin, the corruption in this world – even the most loved, sheltered child will still be scarred in some way, why – because the parents are scarred.
Thankfully through the process of sanctification, as we dig out the lies that have become our foundation, we have the opportunity to replace them with truth.
So, every little false that has hurt you over and over for the past how every many years, you can call it out, name it the lie that it is, throw it out and replace it with the truth.
For example: A little girl who wants her Daddy, who has been out of the family for many years. Satan tells her that she is unlovable. This feeling becomes a belief as a teen and young adult, through multiple failed relationships. Even after turning her life to Christ she doesn’t seem to realize the lie she bought as a child that has been causing pain and heartache on some level most of her life.
When the Holy Spirit reveals this, she can let go of this lie. And let her heavenly Father love her, want her, adore her, and dote on her as her own father was unable to. She now can replace the lie with truth. She is lovable and loved! It comes full circle.
The little girl in the example is me. I feel very strongly that we must be fair to all parties. Keep in mind that hurting people hurt other people. It is a terrible cycle. Plus, I must take responsibility for believing the lies that the enemy told me. That is not my father’s fault. As a selfish child I bought into the lie because the lie allowed me “good” reason for a pity party.
For many years I was angry and hurt, at some point I realized that I just wanted to know my father. To get to know the person he is. So, when I was 16 I went searching for him. I wrote him a letter. I knew that I first needed to forgive and let go of the past. Which I did, in my heart between me and God, it had nothing to do with my Dad. I don’t think I ever even mentioned that to him, or how hurt this little girl was.
The reasons he wasn’t part of my childhood was no longer important, and quite honestly not something I care to discuss. That is the past, I would rather focus on now and the future. Anyway, I met my Dad when I was 17 and today I have a good relationship with him. To me that is so much more important that holding a grudge. Forgiveness isn’t always easy, however, it is always worth the effort. For more about forgiveness,(click over).
The point though is that I replaced truth, that I was worthy, loved, and adored by the Creator of the universe and all that it contains, with a big fat lie. For years I lived believing that I really was unlovable, unworthy, and not much more than trash. This was not something I was actively aware of at the time, it was more of a subconscious thing that as I look back had a very damaging effect on my life. Yet through the Holy Spirit and the process we call sanctification I could identify the lie and replace it with the truth. God’s love for me will never waiver. He sees me quite differently than anyone else sees me, even myself. So, I think the point is learning how God see’s you, and believing that. That is our identity in Christ.
I am lovable! Worthy! Adored by God! I am His child! I am Lovable!
As Christians, we are all new creations in Christ. May I never forget that the taking off the old and putting on the new is a continual process. I pray daily that I may be in tune to the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. I want to hear and to grow in the Lord for as long as I walk this ground.
“That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
And be renewed in the spirit of you mind;
And the ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24
God has given each of us a purpose, it is our job to follow as He leads.
“Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” Matthew 28:19-20
I want Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians to be my prayer, I want to know the power that God has made accessible for me. I want to thrive, to live in the abundance that God wants for me.
“I pray that the perception of your mind may be enlightened so you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the glorious riches of His inheritance among the saints,
and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power to us who believe, according to the working of His vast strength.” Ephesians 1:18-19 (HCSB)
Let me once again encourage you to sign up for Sarah’s Bible Study through Ephesians. She can pack so much into 15 minutes, it is truly amazing. It is free and you have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain. I have registered to go through the study again, it is that good! Here is the link to register!
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, feedback, and ideas. Please reach out to me by commenting below.
May God richly bless you today.